


It is all your fault

by HelenF_AKA_Sucker_For_Fandom_Shipping



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Boys Kissing, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dorks in Love, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-14 09:53:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13005210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelenF_AKA_Sucker_For_Fandom_Shipping/pseuds/HelenF_AKA_Sucker_For_Fandom_Shipping
Summary: Jeremy has a terrible nightmare about the SQUIP. Michael is super worried and comforts him.





	It is all your fault

**Author's Note:**

> HEYA FOLKS! I just want to say that this is my first fanfiction, and I am super worried about it. I hope it's not terrible.  
> I'm really sorry if you find some grammar mistakes. I live in Ukraine and only learn English in school. I also try to practise English every time I have a chance. But I still can be 100% sure about my grammar.  
> SO YEAH! I hope you guys enjoy reading it! Have a nice day!
> 
> (Also Jeremy is shorter than Michael. Fight me about it.)

Jeremy woke up in the middle of black void. The terrible blackness with nothing in it. Alone. Lonely. Cold. Lifeless.

‘Huh that is strange. What the hell is going on?’

Just as he thought how to get out of here, he heard noises of static behind him.

*Everything about you is TERRIBLE*

‘No. Oh God please no. Not again. Please..’

*Everything about you makes me want to DIE*

Those two phrases pierced through his body, as he remembered all the pain that tic-tac caused him.

‘Please stop. Please. I don’t..’

*You think Michael ever forgave you? Pathetic.*

‘No. He forgave me, we talked this out. He said he forgave me. He did!’

*How can’t love somebody as pathetic as you. After all you have done to him.*

‘I didn’t mean to leave him! It was all your fault! It was your fault from the beginning!’

*Was it really my fault? You bought me. You activated me. It was your decision to choose popularity over Michael! You think he can’t see it? He says he loves you just out of pity!*

‘No. He loves me! He wouldn't- he…I’m… I didn’t mean to-’

*Oh, but you did. Do you want me to show you again?*

‘What are you - ‘

Poor boy didn’t have the chance to finish his sentence as the void quickly, turned into a memory of Halloween party. To be exact a bathroom of Jake Dillinger.

Boy’s eyes widened in horror of this memory. The memory which still brought chills down his whole body. A memory, which he rather forget.Events in this memory caused so much pain to him and his favourite person. If he could, he would take everything he did back. But he can’t.

‘No. Please. I-’

“His SQUIP didn’t make him crazy.” Dream Michael said with desperate in his voice.

“Oh. Well. There you go.” Dream Jeremy said, not listening to what was his friend trying to tell him.  
“He went crazy trying to get it out.”

‘And I would totally understand him now. You tried to take over our school.’

*Don’t forget Jeremy, that this is all your fault! I just followed my programing. I did what was best for you!*

‘That’s not true.. I-’

*You are pathetic. Why can’t you understand that without me you are nothing!*

“Then I’ve got nothing to worry about. Why would I want that?” Just as Memory Jeremy was heading to the door Michael stopped him.

“Move it!” Sneered dream Jeremy.

“Or you’ll what?” Demanded with fire in his eyes Michael. He was just trying to protect his best friend from danger evan Jeremy didn’t see at that time.

‘No...Please. Stop! I never wanted this I….I’m sorry Michael.’

“Get out of my way LOSER!”

‘Michael I’m so sorry. Michael-’

*Look what you did to him. You think he ever forgave you? You think anyone of them forgave you after what you did? You are the real LOSER here!*

The pain, sadness and hurt in his future boyfriend’s eyes made him shudder. 

‘I’m sorry Michael. I’m so sorry. I never wanted this to happen.’ 

Memory Jeremy left, leaving poor Michael miserable. Alone. Heartbroken. 

Jeremy even noticed he started crying. All he could think about is how Michael could ever forgive him. Why?

*That’s right Jeremy. You did this to him! Not only him, it’s your fault that each of your so called ‘friends’ were miserable! You did this to them! They hate you! All of them hate you, I know they does! Someone like you can’t be loved.*

That memory shifted, and all of the memories with the SQUIP flashed before his eyes. All of those times he hurt his friends. He couldn’t take it. Jeremy saw how broken each of his friends were. It made him cry even more. He never wanted this. But he knew he can’t change what already has been done. 

‘I’m sorry. I’m-’ he was cut off by his ugly sob. He never wanted this.

He was crying his eyes out, when SQUIP lifted him up by strings, which were attached to his body, they appeared out of nowhere. Or they were always there but he didn’t care to notice. 

*Oh what’s the matter Jeremy? Finally realized that you are worthless? Finally realized that you are pathetic little loser? You are such a slob. You only can hurt everybody around you! You are unlovable.* 

He seems frozen in place. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t escape. It was pointless to fight back. He knew that those word were true. He knew that all along. Just as he thought it couldn’t get any worse. SQUIP decided to make this torture even worse. 

*Now Jeremy repeat after me. Everything about you is so terrible.* 

Jeremy’s head shot up at this words. Not because they were familiar. No. Because it seemed that SQUIP’s voiced changed into the voice of a person he cared the most about. But kind chocolate brown eyes were replaced with cold blue. He couldn’t even say anything. His mouth felt dry, his throat seems to just shut down. He started to shake. 

*What’s the matter Miah? Can’t even do that. You are such a loser, you know that?* 

That stupid nickname. Michael always called him that when he was worried about him. He couldn’t believe his ears, or his eyes for that matter. It can’t be true, can it? No way.

*REPEAT AFTER ME JEREMY. Everything about you is so terrible.*

‘Everything about me is just terrible.’ Those words were like a fire to him. He couldn’t believe that Michael of all people said that. But he knew he deserved it, so he just let that happen. 

*Good. Everything about you makes me want to die.*

‘Everything about me makes me want to die.’ his voice broke at those two words. He felt hot tears run down his cheeks. 

He repeated those word over and over again, before SQUIP decided to make it even worse. A mirror appeared in front of them. And Jeremy couldn’t bring himself to look at it. Good thing SQUIP made him look in that mirror. 

*Look at yourself Jer-bear. You are so pathetically ugly.* 

*Everything about you sucks.

You are such a slob.

Terrible.

Pitiful.*

Jeremy repeated all of those words to himself, as he looked in that mirror. He just wished that it would stop already. He wanted to stop hearing it coming from his best friend’s mouth. But he couldn’t stop any of it.

*You deserve it.*

On those words something snapped in him and he broke down crying. Strings that he hung on disappeared and he fell on the floor and cried. It began to actually look like a panic attack.

Figures of all of his friends appeared out of nowhere and said everything he knew he deserved, and he just wailed on the floor.

*It’s all your fault.*

‘I know. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry’

*Pitiful.

Everything about you sucks. 

Everything about you makes me want to die.

You are a monster.

Worthless.

Pathetic.

We never forgave you.*

SQUIP picked Jeremy up by the collar of his shirt and said those words, he was so scared of.  
*YOU CAN’T GET RID OF ME THAT EASILY.  
I AM NEVER GOING AWAY.*

He dropped Jeremy on the floor. Small teen began to feel shocks of electricity run down his back. He cried out in pain. He was powerless. He couldn’t do anything to stop this nightmare. He just wanted to die.

‘I’m sorry. Help me. Michael I’m so sorry. I never wanted this to happen. I’m sorry everyone. It’s all my fault. My fault. I’m sorry. I deserve to die. I-’

“Hey Miah!” A familiar voice called, but he couldn’t hear it.

‘It’s all my fault. I’m sorry’

“Hey Jer-bear wake up!”

‘I’m sorry.’

“Wake up Jer, it’s just a nightmare! Wake up!”

Jeremy shot up. He was covered in sweat. He looked around and noticed he was in Michael’s basement. He turned to look next to him. And there was Michael. His Michael. With kind chocolate brown eyes, that were filled with worry. His hair sticked in different angles. He was wearing only his sweatpants and a T-shirt with ‘I’m too gay for this world’ written on it. 

“Hey Jer, what happened? Are you ok?” His was filled with concern. He knew that Jeremy had nightmares after the SQUIP. But this was never half as bad as it is now. The poor boy looked wrecked. His face was damp with sweat. His hair an absolute mess. His beautiful sky blue eyes filled with fear and panic. Tears streamed down his face, and couldn’t seem to stop anytime soon. Michael would do anything right now for his boyfriend, so all of his fears vanished into nowhere. It broke is heart in half to see him like this. 

Jeremy launched forward and buried his face into Michael’s shoulder. “Hey Jer-bear shhh. It’s alright, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.” Michael knew that right now, he needed to calm down his boyfriend. Only then maybe they would talk about it, if Jeremy wanted. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry about everything.” He choked another few sobs into Michael shirt.

“Shhhh. What are you sorry for love?” Michael asked even though he already knew where this was going. 

“I’m sorry for calling you a loser. I’m sorry for ignoring you. I’m so sorry about everything.” Jeremy couldn’t breath. He couldn’t breath. Why couldn’t he breathe? 

“Woah woah Jer shhh. Calm down. I already told you I forgive you. I need you to listen to me and breath. C’mon Jer-bear can you do that for me? Breath.” Michael took his boyfriend’s small lanky arm and put in on his chest.

“There. Try to follow my breaths. Inhale. Hold for a few seconds. Exhale. And repeat.” They did that exercise for a few time. And eventually smaller teens breathing seemed to even out. But he was still shaking in his best friend’s arms.  
Michael just cuddled his boyf close to his chest. He held him tight, as if he let go then he would just disappear. He wanted to take all of Jeremy’s pain and smash it into pieces if he could. But he can’t. But he knew right now, Jeremy wanted nothing more that to stay close to his side. Jeremy on the other hand gripped onto Michael’s shirt like a lifeline. He never wanted to let go.

They lay there for felt like an eternity, and just cuddled and feeled each other’s presence, feeling warmth of each other's bodies, until Jeremy stopped shaking. When that happened Jeremy lifted himself a little off of Michael's chest. 

“M’ sorry for waking you up.” His voice sounded so small, Michael wanted to do everything to make him feel better. 

“It’s nothing love. Mind telling me what happened?” Michael’s voice was filled with concern. 

“Just a nightmare. No need to worry Michael. Everything is fine.” Jeremy said those words a lot since the SQUIP incident. He also would constantly apologise. Michael was well aware of what that floppy disk did to Jeremy. After the play he still felt a little angry with Jeremy. But when Jeremy came to his house, in the middle of the night, through the rain, and apologised to Michael couple dozens of times, he couldn’t even bring himself to be angry with him. He loved him. They started dating about two month ago. Jeremy tried dating Christine, but it didn’t work out. Turned out she wasn’t ready for a relationship, and she was asexual. Jeremy came out as bisexual two and half months ago.  
They talked everything out. Their talk ended on confession of Michael’s undying love for Jeremy, and Jeremy feeling the same way. They started dating ever since. And their relationship wasn’t all that perfect, but for them it was the best thing in the world. They still worked out their problems though.

“Jeremy if it was nothing, you wouldn’t cry in your sleep. You wouldn’t scream and constantly apologise in your sleep. You wouldn’t have panic attack because of a nightmare Jer. Please talk to me. You never want to talk about your nightmares, I know. But I just want to help. I never saw you that scared in my life. Please Jeremy.” Michael was becoming desperate here. He just wanted to help his loved one.

“There was the SQUIP, like always, and this dream started more or less like all of the others. But then everything got worse, he showed me all of the memories which are related to me hurting all of our friends, starting with Halloween party. But then he took your appearance. He looked and sounded exactly like you. You started to blame me for everything and remind me how much of a loser I am. How pathetic and worthless I am. He told you never forgave me, and never truly loved me. And even though I knew, I deserved it, it still hurt you know. I wasn’t even able to do anything. He said he was never going away. He said I won’t get rid of him that easily.” Jeremy was hyper aware he was hyperventilating again. He was crying again at the memories of the dream. Michael tightened his grip around his lanky boyfriend. He just stared in shock and tried to process everything Jeremy was saying. Was that really how Jeremy felt? It just broke his heart to see him like this. Vulnerable and broken. Damn that wintergreen tic-tac. If he could, he would kick his ass.

“Hey Jeremy listen to me. Don’t believe anything that thing says to you. It wasn’t your fault.” “But-” “Shhhh. Everyone knows that it was SQUIP’s fault. You were particularly abused by that thing for weeks. There was nothing you could do. Jeremy listen to me I love you. Even if he is never going away, I will be always there. I am always here for you no matter what” There was such love and fondness in those last sentences that Jeremy wanted to cry again. 

“I love you too. But that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t my fault. It was my choice to take that stupid pill in the first place. If I just listened to you nothing would have happened.” he was angry with himself. If he was just smart enough-

“It was your only mistake then. Even though again it isn’t your fault you wanted people to stop treating you like shit, it wasn’t your fault you wanted to be noticed.” Michael leaned down and kissed his boyfriend on the lips. Sweet and gentle. Of course it wasn’t their first kiss. But every time it felt just like their first kiss - freaking amazing. 

“I love you. Never forget that. Everything about you is wonderful. You are the most beautiful and cute person in this universe. I love you for who you are.” He meant every word that he said. Jeremy was the best thing that happened to him.

“I love you too, ya big dork. But I think we should probably go back to sleep.” it was that time that Michael remembered that it was the middle of the night. And by only one look at his boyfriend, you could tell the poor boy was exhausted. 

“Yeah you are probably right.”

Michael laid down, with Jeremy cuddled against his chest. Lanky teen fell asleep almost instantly, feeling the warmth of Michael’s body, and listening the beating of his heart. But Michael just laid there a couple more minutes looking at boy in his arms like he had hung the stars in the sky. He planted one last kiss on his boyfriend’s cheek before falling asleep himself.

Jeremy’s nightmares never went away that easily. Just like the SQUIP. But Michael was always there to cheer his boyf up. He never left his side no matter what.


End file.
